On Things Above

God, I'm not sure why these desires are so strong in me right now. I've always prayed and hoped to be a wife and a mother, but I'm especially yearning for it now. And the dreams I've been having! I wake up feeling empty, because they aren't reality. I want to find my beloved. I want to fall in love, but love is just an emotion & is fleeting. Marriage, however, is a lifelong commitment that two people make. It should be full of love, passion, respect, commitment, & empathy. Right now, I want to meet the person who will enter into a marriage with me. I don't casually date and never have. I'll continue to wait for the right type of guy. I pray for discernment so I can determine who I would be blessed to have as my husband. I want to buy a house, I want to share my bed, I want to pay bills and make financial decisions, I want to take trips, I want to cuddle, I want to take naps in the sunny spots on the floor, I want to be lead by the spiritual leader of our household, I want to learn to cook for him, I want to do everything in my power to make him happy. I know it won't all be perfect. Quite the contrary! There will be tough decisions, arguments, tears, heartache and fears. But with You as the center of our relationship, we will be able to get through all of those things. I want to have children (in the not-so-distant future), as many as You will bless us with! I want to raise them in Your truth. I pray for my family. I pray for the salvation of our children, and I pray for my beloved, that he is preparing for our marriage by making wise decisions and studying Your word.

Again, Father, I don't know why I've been so caught up in this lately. How silly I feel for saying "I want, I want, I want." I ultimately want whatever You have willed for me. If this isn't the life You have in store for me, I promise to accept it and continue to do my best in glorifying You. You are good, and know what is best for my life. I don't need a husband or children to be happy; ultimate satisfaction comes from You. I do, however, have this desire in my heart and want to make it known to You. This desire comes from You, and I know marriage is a reflection of the Trinity. I don't think this desire will go away, but I will not let it consume my very being. I live for Your glory, not to fulfill my own desires and wants. I do not want anything to coax my vision from You. My Father is wise and I will trust in what He decides.