I know You're working for me and not against me, and I know you have my best interests in mind...
even if I don't realize it.
I keep struggling with this. How could You not want me to go to Africa? Is this Satan attacking me? You give authority to Satan; he can't move without You giving him the go ahead. So it really all comes back to You. I'm not doubting, but I am questioning. I know know KNOW Your ways are higher and I cannot comprehend them. But it still keeps chipping away at my mind. This seems like the perfect time to go! Next year I won't be able to go, because I will be starting a new job. And then from there on I can't go because it is so hard to get time off of work. And I'll eventually marry and have a family.
And I've just looked back at those last few sentences and feel so silly. Why am I planning my life? I don't know what opportunities and blessings You have for my future. There must be some reason You don't want me to go, and I can trust in that. Maybe I'm just not ready emotionally, physically, spiritually. Maybe I can be more of a servant in West Virginia this summer. Maybe I will do more for You if I go later in my life.
It's just upsetting when I've had my hope set on this trip for half a year. Whatever happens, I will have faith in You. You never said my life would be simple. I trust in You. I pray You help me make wise decisions about this, and that I accept whatever ends up happening.
If I go to Africa this summer, I will be all I can for YOU.
& if I stay in Kenova this summer, I promise I will be all I can for YOU.
