God, I'm not sure why these desires are so strong in me right now. I've always prayed and hoped to be a wife and a mother, but I'm especially yearning for it now. And the dreams I've been having! I wake up feeling empty, because they aren't reality. I want to find my beloved. I want to fall in love, but love is just an emotion & is fleeting. Marriage, however, is a lifelong commitment that two people make. It should be full of love, passion, respect, commitment, & empathy. Right now, I want to meet the person who will enter into a marriage with me. I don't casually date and never have. I'll continue to wait for the right type of guy. I pray for discernment so I can determine who I would be blessed to have as my husband. I want to buy a house, I want to share my bed, I want to pay bills and make financial decisions, I want to take trips, I want to cuddle, I want to take naps in the sunny spots on the floor, I want to be lead by the spiritual leader of our household, I want to learn to cook for him, I want to do everything in my power to make him happy. I know it won't all be perfect. Quite the contrary! There will be tough decisions, arguments, tears, heartache and fears. But with You as the center of our relationship, we will be able to get through all of those things. I want to have children (in the not-so-distant future), as many as You will bless us with! I want to raise them in Your truth. I pray for my family. I pray for the salvation of our children, and I pray for my beloved, that he is preparing for our marriage by making wise decisions and studying Your word.
Again, Father, I don't know why I've been so caught up in this lately. How silly I feel for saying "I want, I want, I want." I ultimately want whatever You have willed for me. If this isn't the life You have in store for me, I promise to accept it and continue to do my best in glorifying You. You are good, and know what is best for my life. I don't need a husband or children to be happy; ultimate satisfaction comes from You. I do, however, have this desire in my heart and want to make it known to You. This desire comes from You, and I know marriage is a reflection of the Trinity. I don't think this desire will go away, but I will not let it consume my very being. I live for Your glory, not to fulfill my own desires and wants. I do not want anything to coax my vision from You. My Father is wise and I will trust in what He decides.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Just a little reflection on some recent studying...
Although it was probably close to a month ago, something we discussed in Sunday school has been on my mind.
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 14:34-35
When I read or heard this verse in the past, I always thought Jesus was just telling us all to love each other, treat each other with care, etc. But we determined that He was actually just speaking about believers loving other believers, not all of mankind. It is good to fellowship with other believers, and we should not feel guilty when we spend time with other followers. Jesus commanded for us to do this. The way we treat our "family" will show non-believers that we are His disciples.
So then my mind jumps to another thought: how hard it is to live in this world but not be of it. Man will see how we love our brothers and sisters, but that is not all they will judge on. We must be familiar with the ways of this world to be relevant and pertinent to the society in which we live, but must not get wrapped up in it. How often we (I) fail at this. How hard it is to live as someone who is completely different and counter cultural, yet be a person who can relate to the rest of the world. I have not mastered this. In fact, I am not even close to being "good" at this. I am completely selfish, materialistic, prideful, and wrapped up in impressing others. I find myself in a constant battle, thinking "Am I doing this for my God, or because I think it may impress someone else?" Too often I find my truthful answer to be, "Im doing this to impress, but it is good that what Im doing pleases God and helps others." Does it really please You when I do things for selfish reasons? I know the answer to my own question.
Heavenly, Holy One, I am sorry for my sins. I really only want to put You first. It is only by Your grace that I breathe and live; please help me make the choice to live and breathe for You. Why should I worry what others may think? Yes, you want me to be an example to others, but I often find the people Im trying to impress are already a part of Your kingdom. IMPRESSING IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING AN EXAMPLE. What do I have to gain from impressing anyone? Why am I so quick to judge others on their actions? I am completely caught up in this world. By Your power, I must renew my mind. Help to transform me so I am not of this world. I want to set my sights on You and keep them there.
Although it was probably close to a month ago, something we discussed in Sunday school has been on my mind.
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 14:34-35
When I read or heard this verse in the past, I always thought Jesus was just telling us all to love each other, treat each other with care, etc. But we determined that He was actually just speaking about believers loving other believers, not all of mankind. It is good to fellowship with other believers, and we should not feel guilty when we spend time with other followers. Jesus commanded for us to do this. The way we treat our "family" will show non-believers that we are His disciples.
So then my mind jumps to another thought: how hard it is to live in this world but not be of it. Man will see how we love our brothers and sisters, but that is not all they will judge on. We must be familiar with the ways of this world to be relevant and pertinent to the society in which we live, but must not get wrapped up in it. How often we (I) fail at this. How hard it is to live as someone who is completely different and counter cultural, yet be a person who can relate to the rest of the world. I have not mastered this. In fact, I am not even close to being "good" at this. I am completely selfish, materialistic, prideful, and wrapped up in impressing others. I find myself in a constant battle, thinking "Am I doing this for my God, or because I think it may impress someone else?" Too often I find my truthful answer to be, "Im doing this to impress, but it is good that what Im doing pleases God and helps others." Does it really please You when I do things for selfish reasons? I know the answer to my own question.
Heavenly, Holy One, I am sorry for my sins. I really only want to put You first. It is only by Your grace that I breathe and live; please help me make the choice to live and breathe for You. Why should I worry what others may think? Yes, you want me to be an example to others, but I often find the people Im trying to impress are already a part of Your kingdom. IMPRESSING IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING AN EXAMPLE. What do I have to gain from impressing anyone? Why am I so quick to judge others on their actions? I am completely caught up in this world. By Your power, I must renew my mind. Help to transform me so I am not of this world. I want to set my sights on You and keep them there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)