I'm getting an apartment, and it's only a block away from my house. Yes, it's definitely just a baby step, but I think it's going to work out to be a good thing. This has all just come together within the last two days, and my mind is racing. I've always had a desire to decorate and have my own little place; that's why everywhere I go I find furniture or paintings or whatever. I'm excited, but very nervous at the same time. I know it sounds silly, but I want to share my fears with You. You're my Father, and I know you can comfort me. Most of my friends are at least one year younger than me, and the ones who are my age are either married, will still be in college, or just aren't making the best life decisions right now. I'm going to be a "grown up" - how crazy! I'm not ready! I think I am mature, but I'm really afraid I'm going to get lonely. My friends will be doing different things than me - going to football games, BCM, etc. Unless I go for my master's right away, I'll be living a different life. I don't want to fall out of the loop.
I think part of the reason I feel this way is because of how I looked at this time a few years back. I had my life planned out. I was going to marry my boyfriend and be a newlywed right out of college. I had hoped I'd never have to live by myself, that I'd just go from my family's home to a home with my husband! And no, I don't need a boy or anyone else to satisfy me. You really are all I need, but still... I'm afraid. I need to come to a point of total surrender to You. I want to get to that point; I'm not sure why I'm not there yet. I do trust You, just not as fully as I should be. Why can't I just fall off the edge into Your arms? It truly is what I desire! Please, God, comfort my fears and reveal Yourself to me.
